Sunday, September 8, 2013


So how are you enjoying my little snippets? I have written quite a lot and I'm actually liking what I'm creating. One thing I can tell you is that Marty is not my favorite person right now. She's a bit bitter because Of something that had happened to her so I'm hoping she will have her wall broken down later on down the line. But as of right now she's a little bitchy to me .... Enjoy the 3rd snippet....

Chapter 3
Marty: 2013

“Congratulations, Marty, you've come a long way in the last year”
I'm thinking, what the hell? Why should I be happy about this strange milestone? But it's true. I've come so far from where I was a year ago today. I don't have it in me to smile but I do say to my shrink,
“It really is so hard to believe that it's been a year. I never thought I would see this day”
Damn..I should have been dead.
“You have made a huge improvement from when I met you the first time. You should be very proud of yourself” Dr. Rose put her notebook aside and patted me on the hand. “Have you thought about your plans that we discussed last week?”
I look down at my hands and nod my head “Yeah. I think I'm ready to move forward. I'm not sure how I would have survived this year if it wasn't for my parents and for you, Dr. Rose. Thank you.” I really wanted to cry but took a deep breath instead.
She handed me a card. “Here is Dr. Katz's number just in case you decide you need to talk to
someone.” Dr. Katz came to one of my sessions because I was thinking of moving to San Diego and Dr. Rose thought it would be best to have someone who I can go to, just in case I needed to talk. I agreed .
“Thanks. I'll keep her number close”
. . . . .
“I still don't understand why you want to leave so soon. It's only been one year, Marty” My mother said. I had just gotten back home from my last session with Dr. Rose. Mom and I were in the kitchen. It overlooked the pond and the big limbo tree out back. Windows from floor to ceiling cascaded around the kitchen into the living set area.. It was a favorite hangout for the family.
We were both at the bar counter, drinking coffee. As usual, Mom had her ipad available, scrolling through her latest updates on all the new houses available.
I took a deep breath “Mom, we talked about this remember? Dr. Rose agrees that I'm in a better place now. I have to do this for myself. I can't stay under yours and Dads wings anymore. I really need to leave.”
“But why California, my dear? Why do you need to leave here, again?”
“Who's leavin again?” And here comes my dad. A big barreled chest of a man. My mom looked so tiny next to him. Her 5'3 length was no comparison to my 6'3 father. They made a striking couple. Mom had hazel eyes with a petite figure. Dad had a full head of thick silver hair and big light brown eyes. He was and is a very handsome older man. Mom still went weak in the knees with him. I envied their marriage.
I rolled my eyes, “Dad, I'm moving to San Diego, remember? You said I could stay in our vacation home, in Delmar?”
Clueless parents..Or desperate to keep me here.
Dad kissed my cheek. “Hello, darlin.” A true southerner. “So, it's really happenin?”
Ugh, hell. “Yes, it's really happening. I know you think I need more time, but the fact is I feel ready. No. I am ready.”
Dad put his big hands on my shoulders, looked at me in the eyes. He glanced at mom. “Charlotte, she needs to go.”
I exhaled. Mom looked at dad and said “Conrad, I know.. I know” And nothing was further said. I finally felt relief.
I may not be one hundred percent all better, but I'm headed in the right direction. Dad handed me the key to our condo. This little key was a huge reminder for how far my life has come. This may sound so corny, but this simple key was the key to my future.

Dad gave me a big hug and said “I'm so proud of you, darlin. I love ya.”
I'm not gonna cry.. I won't cry. But the tears welled up.
“I know. I love you too. I'll be ok. I have to be ok. I have no other choice” I gave mom a hug, went up to my room, and started packing.

Just breathe, just breathe. It's only a 6 hour flight. You have flown before. I really hate flying. Not my favorite way to travel. I've traveled many times overseas but I still hate being up in the air. I feel out of control. So I keep breathing. I close my eyes, turn on my ipod and tune out the rest of my thoughts.
Well, I tried to tune everything out until the girl next to me started yapping in my ear.
“I just love that song you're listenin' to.” Great, can I go back to my music now?
I slowly turn my head and look at her. I take out my earbuds.
“Excuse me?”
She gives me her hand to shake.
“Hi! I didn't mean to disturb you but I'm Amy. Amy Heart”
I didn't want to be a bitch so I shook her hand back.
“Um, hello.” I really don't want to give her my name. I'm not in the mood for this.
“And your name is?” Ok, so I should be nice and give her my name too.
“Marty! Wow, such a cute name!” She's too stinkin happy and bubbly. She looks like she came from a beauty pageant or something. Big blonde hair, big smile, big white teeth. She's pretty and all, but just very pageanty. “You don't hear many women with that name. Very unique” She loves to smile. I try my best to give her a smile back.
“Thanks... I guess” sorta smiled
She continues to gab
“So, I've been traveling from Texas. Texas is my home state.” I should have known “I went to Florida for a beauty pageant” Shit I was right. A beauty queen. “but didn't make the finals. So now I'm headed to San Diego for another Pageant. I'm a very persistent woman. I never give up! I may not be as young as I was once before, but ….......”
I zone her out. She's talking too damn fast I can't keep up.
“Anyways, what brings you on this flight?”
I can't. I can't talk about anything. How am I going to say this without sounding like a prick?
“I'm sorry, I don't want to be rude or anything, but I'm just not in a good place right now to open up about my life.”
She gave me a pouty look. God I'm a horrible person
“Oh my, I'm so sorry sweetie! I didn't mean to pry.”
Exhale. Relief.
“It's ok. I just need some rest right now”
Amy pats my hand
“Sugar, I'm here if you need to chat.”
I actually smile back.
“Thanks” Back to music. Back to tuning out my thoughts, and extra voices.


I felt another tap on my shoulder. It was Amy.
“Rise and shine, Sweetie, we're ready to land”

Wow, I can't believe I actually slept through the flight. What did the flight attendant put in my water?
“Oh, gosh, thanks.” I put my ipod away and buckle up.
“My, my can you sleep! I can never sleep in these stiff chairs.”
Stiff is right. Now my neck hurts
Rolling my neck I say “Yeah, well, I'm as shocked as you are.”
“I want to give you my number” Amy handed me a card “I'll be staying in Delmar for awhile. There are a few pageants and such so they require me to reside in the city. Not sure how long I'll be around but just in case, maybe we can get together and have a nice long chat?”
Oh boy. She wants to be friends. And she is residing in Delmar of all places. My luck.
“Oh, uh, thanks. I'll keep that in mind”
“Please don't hesitate. I really am a good listener.” I feel like such a jerk for not being as nice to her as she was to me. But all I can say is, is “Thanks”
The plane finally lands and I feel another sense of relief . A relief to finally be on my own. No one to hold my hand anymore. No one to feel sorry for me. I finally get to be.....Me...


The condo was an ocean front home, with a spectacular view of the ocean and beach. It was a quaint, 2 story gray house. It was covered with gray wooded shingles and luscious vines that were growing around the property. My parents must have a Gardner to keep up the area, because the plants along the side of the house were neatly trimmed and I didn't see any tree leaves lying anywhere.
I brought my bags into the house. Just like the Florida home, this place had windows in every direction. I could see the ocean as I entered the den. The den was adjacent to the kitchen. There was also a beautiful deck that led out onto the beach.
For the first time in a long while, I was able to smile.. I could feel the energy. The positive energy, filling me up. Finally a place I can call home.
Oh shit, speaking of home I need to call my parents. I can't have them going insane if they don't hear from me. I dig through my bag and find my phone. It rings a couple times before anyone picks up.
“Hey Dad! I'm here, safe and sound” Please don't be having a cow right now.. Please...
“Marty, my God we were startin' to worry!” Yep, on the verge of having a cow.
“I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment of getting here. I didn't mean to worry you.”
I could hear Mom in the background asking Dad questions
“Dad, tell Mom I'm ok and that I love her.”
“Calm down, Charlotte! Your daughter is A OK! Anywho, Marty, I love ya and we're glad you made it. How's the place? Is it tidied up for ya?”
Sighing I said “It's perfect Dad. It's beautiful. So I'm gonna go now. I have a lot of unpacking to do. I'll call you some time this weekend ok?”
I could still hear some gabbing from Mom in the background.. I need to get off already!
“Okey Dokey, Darlin. Talk to you soon.. Bye now”
“Bye Dad” Click.. Phone is off. I look at my luggage and decide that the unpacking can wait. Time to enjoy the beautiful view.


Sunday, September 1, 2013


Ready for another snippet of my book? I know I shouldn't be showing too much but I guess you all liked the last snippet so I've decided to post another one. Please be honest ..Let me know if this is too corny ok? I am my own worst critic LOL... In my story I also have the Males POV(point of view)..I think sometimes I like to get the fill of both people... here goes....CONTINUATION OF "NOVEMBER RAINS"

Chapter 2

Yes I still think about her. I still think about her smile, her big green eyes, long blonde hair that smelled like the rain. Her skin, so soft. Her lips. How I longed for those lips. To kiss them. I melted every time we kissed. Just to feel her body curled up against mine. How that has never left my mind. So yes, I still think about her. I sound like a sick love puppy over a girl. But this was just no girl. She was my best friend. She knew me like no other person. She was always smiling. She was never one to play games with me. Never fucked around the truth. Always honest. Her passion was taking pictures. She was always eager to take pictures of her surroundings. We would go along the beach and she would start snapping her camera like there was never gonna be another wave crashing or a seagull flying by. I'd be playing my guitar and she would be taking pictures of me. That camera was her window.
I miss those innocent days. Our innocent touchings. Innocent kisses.. Those days out by the Gumbo, Limbo Tree are gone. The day I was sent away for the Air Force was the last day I ever saw her.. The last innocent day.

My Father was a big time General. He refused to let me live my life outside the Air Force. I knew I had no other option but to do what he wanted for me. It really felt like the end of my life. All I ever wanted to do was hand craft guitars and become a musician.. I loved the feel of my fingers on the strings of my guitar. I loved how the music came and I could get lost in the sounds. My dad couldn't understand my dreams. He couldn't understand my love for music. It “wasn't reality”, he would say to me. I was pretty much the dark horse in the family. All my brothers were in the service so he expected the same out of me. Did I hate my dad for pushing me into this? For making me leave my girl? For not supporting my dreams? Yes. I guess at that time I thought I hated him. I was pissed for many years. Resentment towards him was tough to get over.

During the many months of boot camp and training I got many letters from Marty. I tried so hard to get her out of my mind. I thought by not writing her back it would make things easier on me..Easier on her. She needed to let me go. It was torture. The letters kept coming. I could feel her weeping as I read her words. I had broken her world. I had broken her spirit. What an asshole I was. Over time the letters stopped coming. I was devastated. But I fucked things up on my own. I finally had to move on. I had to try to erase her from my mind. The picture she gave me, the one of us together, I had to tuck that away and move on.. Man, who the fuck was I kidding? I still thought of her... I still dreamed of her. I still loved her. I DO still Love her. I do still dream of her. I do still think of her.

The Air Force was actually a good thing for me. At the time I was just a pissed off SOB because of my Dad. But as time went on I learned I needed that structure to get me through my young adult life. I needed to get kicked in the ass to make a man out of me. And believe me, being 18 with an attitude, I needed some butt kicking. Four years into the air force I was taken into deep action. After 911 happened I was sent over seas. I was there for about a year. There were too may close calls with being shot or exploded to death. I saw many of my buddies killed. Those were the darkest days of my life. But I don't think I would ever change my experience. I'm a better man because of it. I don't take my life or others for granted anymore. I still wear my dog tags just so I can remember who I was and who was left behind.

I left the Air Force after 10yrs. I felt I had put myself out there as long as I could. Unlike me, my brothers are still in the service. They are all married with kids, living in different parts of the country. I

decided to stay in San Diego where I was stationed. I love the City. I love the ocean and the weather. It's a perfect place for who I am today. I was able to save money and finally start my life by opening a hand crafted guitar shop. Finally living my dream. It's a surreal feeling because I've wanted this for so long. My dad made his peace with me. He accepted my decision. I was a grown man and worked hard for our country. He was proud. For him to be proud of me is something I can't describe. That's all I have ever wanted from him. No matter if it was music, or being in the Air Force. It meant everything. He passed away the year I left. Died of a heart attack. Just knowing he was proud of me before he died was a gift. I wish we had more time together. I wish he had seen how my life turned out. I would like to think he would have been happy with my new life.. Proud of my life. The resentment I had towards him faded after I opened my shop. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be where I am today. But because of him I never found out what it would have been like if I had stayed with Marty..

Life takes you in so many directions. I've had my fair share of many beautiful women. There were a couple I thought I could settle down with but timing was never right. Or maybe because they weren't Marty. I have always been wishing that I could find that one special woman that was just like her. Hasn't happened yet. I tried looking her up on Facebook but found out through some friends that she had gotten married and was living in Europe. I was disappointed to learn this information. I gave up and continued to live my life without her. Five years later and having a successful business you would think I had everything I had ever wanted. Good money, women, sex, a nice beach house, being a bachelor. You'd think that I was living every mans fantasy. But fantasies are just that: Fantasies. Don't get me wrong I love my life. Hell, I paid a lot for it and wouldn't trade it for anything. But there is this hole that is empty. Who knows when I will ever feel complete?